Joycellyn Akuffo of www.MothersWhoWork.co.uk gives her take on telling your employer that you\’re pregnant.

In short – no. At least not until the end of the 15th week before your baby is due.

BUT, it is important that you do – the laws protecting expectant mothers don’t actually kick in until your employer knows you are pregnant.Even if you tell your boss verbally, you still need to do this in writing as your employer is not obliged to take any action other than normal risk assessments that they would perform for other employees. Some employers will ask for a certificate (form MATB1) certificate from your doctor or midwife confirming that you are pregnant.Besides kick-starting preparations for your maternity leave, it’s also important to tell your employer you are pregnant for the following reasons:

• So a risk assessment can be done: It’s also important you tell your employer to help protect you and your baby’s health and safety during your pregnancy, and so that preparations can be made for your maternity leave.
• To get time off to go for check: You are entitled to paid time off to go to antenatal appointments and classes recommended by your doctor or midwife. Your employer can ask for proof of this from your second appointment onwards.
• To protect you from unfair treatment: You are protected by law for any unfair treatment, e.g. unfair dismissal, which is connected to your pregnancy. If, for example, you take time off for a pregnancy related illness, your employer must pay you in the same way they would if it was any other illness.

Hi there,

My name is Louise

I’m the Researcher for a show for Living TV called Extreme: Skinny Celebrity Mums 2.

We are looking for new real mums to take part and talk to us about the pressures of being a new mum.

Our main focus will be the pressure women feel from celebrities to lose their post-pregnancy weight in an unnatural time.

If this sounds like something you are interested in then please e-mail me.

louise.sammon@target-tv.com

ThanksLouise

Everyone tells you to get as much sleep as possible in preparation for the sleepless nights ahead of you when your little bundle of joy arrives but want if you can’t?In the first trimester of pregnancy you may have found it difficult to stay awake but now with your ever increasing size getting a decent night’s sleep could prove tricky.

• Doctors recommend sleeping on your side, preferably your left side – this will keep the baby from weighing down on a large vein that carries blood from your feet and legs to your heart. This will relieve any pressure on your heart and help keep your blood flowing.

• Constant toilet trips can disrupt your sleep – try to cut back on caffeinated drinks, fizzy drinks and drinking late at night but remember to drink plenty of fluids throughout your day to keep hydrated.

• Restless legs and back ache – your body will be producing a hormone called relaxin which helps loosen joints ready for childbirth, however this can make you more susceptible to injury. Get your partner to gently massage your back and legs. It will be nice for them to feel involved and will create an intimacy with you. Leg cramps are said to be reduced by making sure your body is getting enough calcium.

• Constipation can be helped if you tell your doctor – also help yourself as much as you can by eating plenty of fibre and plenty of water throughout the day to keep everything moving. Your stomach will be compressed by the pregnancy so your system slows down.

Don’t let a lack of sleep get you down, enjoy an afternoon siesta, relax with a nice bath and a good book and just rest as much as you can!

There are a lot of reasons why you may want to consider a water birth. The thought of relaxing in the water may seem more appealing than a sterile hospital ward. 

• Water is said to relieve the pain of contractions just like it would for period pains, therefore you will be less likely to need pain relief, and much more likely to experience a natural birth.

• Water is said to relax you, resulting in you feeling less stressed and therefore your muscles will be more relaxed so your contractions will be more co-coordinated.

• Water is buoyant so you will be free to move about without feeling the full weight of your body. Standing up in the water will help with giving birth due to gravity.

• You will have the constant care of a mid-wife as it states if you are in the birthing pool you must have a mid-wife with you throughout the birth.

• Water softens the skin tissue so you will be less likely to tear your perineum.

You may now be imaging yourselves floating effortlessly in the birthing pool whilst giving birth, it’s not all idyllic though! 

• You may find your contractions more painful than you imagined and the water not as soothing as you wished. If this is the case and you would like pain relief you would have to leave the birthing pool.

• You can’t have pethidine or an epidural whilst in the pool and if you did need emergency treatment you would have to leave the pool which could take time and delay you getting medical help.

• The mid-wife will take any faeces, blood clots and other body debris out of the pool which may make you feel uncomfortable.

• There is a risk of the umbilical cord snapping but midwives are now told to lift the baby onto the mother without pulling the cord to avoid the cord breaking.

• You will be told you can’t have a water birth if you have a medical problem, the doctor or mid-wife will advise you on whether they think it is a suitable option.

Being informed that you should have an elective caesarean birth can come as a bit of a shock especially if you had envisaged a natural birth, a home birth or even perhaps a water birth. For some mums-to-be the thought of having a caesarean birth may seem quite glamorous and the easy option….look at

If this is your first time at giving birth you may be wondering how you can possibly make an accurate birthing plan when you have no idea how much pain you will be feeling or what position will actually help.

There are so many more choices now for giving birth such as which, if any, pain relief you would like. During your contractions you may not feel like discussing your preferences with the nurses or doctors so having it all written down for them will help them. Having a birthing plan will help in your involvement in the birth and will give the medical staff an insight into what birth you wish to have.

What should a birthing plan include?

·         Who you wish to have with you at the birth? -  Include if you want them there throughout the whole birth or how much involvement you want them to have.

·         Which position you would like to give birth in? – Squatting, lying down, kneeling? Ask other mum’s for which position they found easiest and get the opinion of your mid-wife.

·         Which pain relief, if any, you would like and in which order? Some ladies just want gas and air, others find this fine at first but want an epidural ultimately. Let the doctors know what you would like.

·         If you end up having an assisted delivery do you have a preference between forceps or ventouse? – given the choice which would you prefer?

·         Your plans for feeding your baby after delivery – breast or bottle. Do you want them placed straight onto your breast?

·         Any special requirements – Do you have any food allergies? Are there any medical or religious needs that must be met during your stay in the hospital?

·         Elective episiotomy or only if medically necessary?Discuss your birthing plan with your mid-wife and get her advice on whether you have missed any vital points or ask her advice if you are unsure about what you want.

Remember that a birthing plan is not set in stone.If there was a medical reason such as you needing an emergency caesarean then the doctors would have to proceed with what is best for you and your baby.I spent ages thinking about my birthing plan, getting a tens machine and my bouncy birthing ball only to be told that my baby was breech, I ended up having a caesarean. It certainly wasn’t the natural birth I had planned but the minute I held my baby I didn’t  give the fact that I didn’t get to use my yoga breathing technique another thought!

Fancy flying to sunnier climates?Timing is the key. Airlines restrict travel beyond 36 weeks of pregnancy, many airlines also require a doctor’s permission between 28-35 weeks. Airline policies do vary so it is always a good idea to check before booking on what your airline’s policy is regarding flying during pregnancy. Why not plan it early and well within the times stipulated by the airline to avoid any added stress.

Which destination?Everyone has their own idea of what makes a perfect holiday so the destination should be your choice. There are however, a few things to consider when you are pregnant!

·         Try to avoid countries where malaria is endemic. If you need to go to a country where malaria is a threat then seek out your G.P’s advice on what medication is safe for pregnant women to take.

·         Discuss with your mid-wife or doctor for their advice on which countries they advise you avoid during pregnancy due to the inoculations not being safe for you or your unborn baby.

What to pack

·         Don’t forget to buy lots of high factor sun cream. Pregnancy will make your skin much more sensitive which will be more likely to burn in the sun. Pregnant woman can also develop chloasma which has the nick-name ‘pregnancy mask’, this is due to the body having higher levels of melanocyte. If you develop this the sun can make it worse but luckily it does fade after pregnancy. Use lots of high factor cream and stay in the shade during the hottest parts of the day.

·         Take your pregnancy medical notes with you, if you did find yourself needing medical help this will have lots of information for the doctor treating you. Top Tips for flying

·         On arrival at check –in let the check-in staff know you are pregnant. Ask for a seat near the toilet if you find yourself frequently needing a wee.

·         Remember to keep moving and stretch your legs to avoid DVT (deep vein thrombosis) and swollen ankles. Check out the exercises in your in-flight magazine which are specially designed to help people avoid DVT.

·         Keep hydrated by drinking lots of water, flying can dehydrate your body and skin so remember to keep sipping plenty of bottled water.

Bon voyage!

You may be excited and wanting to share your pregnancy news with your colleagues, however, keeping quiet about it until you are past the first twelve weeks and the risk of miscarriage had reduced is a good idea. It may not be easy if you are suffering from nausea and needing to make frequent visits to the ladies room, it could have your colleagues guessing, therefore be careful not to wait too long Your employer should hear the news from you and not from others.

• Once you have informed your employer of your pregnancy you will then be protected by the law, therefore you should not be penalised for being pregnant.

• By law you don’t have to tell your employer that you are pregnant until you reach fifteen weeks.

• You will be then be entitled to paid time off for all your ante-natal care.

How easy is it to carry on working throughout your pregnancy?Many women choose to work right up until the moment they give birth and make it seem so easy. For others who suffer from nausea in the early months may find this too difficult to even contemplate. You need to decide what’s best for you, both emotionally and financially. Pregnancy complications could also dictate when you need to finish working.

• Don’t think that you will be able to work in exactly the same way you did before you became pregnant especially if your job is strenuous or high pressured.

• Don’t be too hard on yourself if you are finding it hard to cope with growing a baby and holding down your job - ask if you could be transferred to an easier work position.

• If you want to carry on doing the same job but finding it difficult - ask if you could reduce your hours or if possible work some hours from home.

• Enquire about flexible working hours - you could work longer hours on the days when you’re feeling good and shorter on the days where you feel you need to rest your swollen ankles!

Find out what your companies maternity leave’s policies are and try to work out what will suit you and your baby. Some mum’s enjoyed putting their feet up for their third trimester others wanted to save that time for when their baby arrived.

It can come as a shock when you suddenly realise that your normal pre-pregnancy clothes no longer fit……it’s the time when you have to go in search of maternity clothes! It can be a little daunting….where do you start looking and what to buy! 

We’ve all seen photos of ladies wearing shapeless tracksuits or skimpy t-shirts with their belly on full show but if this look isn’t for you, there are plenty alternatives. 

• Lots of high street shops have a maternity range, check them out first before the specialist shops, they normally have a good range to choose from and are fairly inexpensive.

• If you only want to buy a couple of items, get some good quality maternity trousers or jeans. They will accommodate your bump as it grows, and you will be able to wear them with lots of different tops.

• Always buy maternity clothes in your normal dress size, they will have made the clothes larger in certain areas without you having to go up a size!

• Really make the most of the fashion at the moment. High street shops are full of flowing smock tops which will have plenty of room to accommodate your bump and you’ll look fashionable too!

• Don’t forget to accessorise with jewellery, ear-rings, scarves and hand-bags!

• Forget your sky scraper heels and get some comfortable shoes. Your pregnancy hormones will loosen your joints, this can make it more difficult to keep your balance. You may not want to have to add to the mix a pair of stilettos!

• Your ankles and calves will expand too, so your lovely snug knee length boots may no longer zip up or if you manage to get them on you could be throwing them away after birth due to them being too stretched!

• If you really want a bargain, check out what people are selling on-line. Some of the items people may never have worn and you could get a whole wardrobe of clothes if they are selling them as a package.

Don’t worry if you feel you are wearing the same clothes all the time. Maternity clothes are not forever, soon you’ll be wearing all your old clothes again. Many of your pre-pregnancy clothes will have been out of circulation for a few months, so it’ll be like getting a brand new wardrobe of clothes and there will probably be a few items you forgot you had.

  Your partner’s emotions could probably be fluctuating just like your hormones when you tell them you are pregnant! They could be experiencing excitement, anxiety and maybe even fear!

Although you may have been trying for a baby when it finally happens it can be a shock, suddenly the realisation of the huge responsibility of having a baby suddenly becomes real.  If your partner has gone off sex and is making all sorts of excuses to avoid any bedroom activity then try talking to him. He may just need some reassurance! 

• If your partner is the main bread winner he may be worrying about money.

• He could be feeling very protective of you and your unborn baby and scared sex will harm the baby.

• Some men find that their partner’s changing shape alters the way he feels about sex and he doesn’t like the thought of having sex whilst you are carrying his child.

Many of his fears may only be fleeting, others may need you both to discuss how he’s feeling and talk him through them 

• If he is worried that he will hurt the baby, take it slowly and no matter how big he thinks his penis is, it won’t be large enough to hurt the baby. The penis only actually enters the vaginal cavity which is not harmful to the baby.

• If he still can’t relax enough to have penetrative sex then why not enjoy a massage and oral sex

• Remind him of your old self and buy some lovely sexy maternity lingerie, they have some really pretty bras, thongs and pants now for pregnant ladies.

Try not to feel rejected, he probably just needs a little time and a bit of support to get used to the idea of the two of you becoming parents!