If you having been trying for a baby for at least a year, you know your monthly cycle inside out and you dread those stomach cramps at that time of the month as yet again you know you are not pregnant, remember you are not alone!  As condescending as it may seem when you are trying for a baby and having intercourse at all the right times yet still can’t seem to conceive, you are not alone! Everyone around you will either be announcing their joys of being pregnant after only one month of ‘trying’ and your family members may delight in telling you of every birth of everyone they know and those who you’ve never heard of but don’t despair.  What can you do?

• Make sure you know exactly when you are ovulating and have intercourse at the right times.

• Don’t drink too heavily, that applies to both you and your partner.

• Try to quit smoking, which yet again applies to both of you as sperm is affected by smoking 

If you’ve read all this advice a hundred times over and still can’t conceive then seek help! Go to see your doctor who can assess you both and find out if you have any fertility issues.  It’s not always easy to get a man to face up to having a fertility issue but it is a fact that many men suffer from poor sperm mobility or low sperm count. Once you know what the problem is, you can face it head on and decide which route to take. Just remember that the pregnant lady who you have just passed in the street may have had several miscarriages or 5 attempts at IVF to conceive and although it may seem like everyone is pregnant except you, it is not true and many of us are in the same situation of wondering…..why me?

It has been reported in the press that modern parents are spoiling their children. Grand-parents have been quoted as saying they are deeply concerned over how their grand-children are being brought up.

Many Grand-parents claim that when they became parents they were just left to their own  devices in bringing up their children and they feel that the parents of today are suffering from too much social pressure.

 Do we spoil our children and try too hard?Maybe we do, years ago as I was growing up, I remember enjoying baking with my grand-mother and even had fun helping my Grand-father in his vegetable allotment. Getting muddy and playing with worms and making mud pies are some of my fond childhood memories.

Do we now skip all the easy and simple pleasures of life and treat our children to an endless stream of activities that puts added stress upon us and our children. Managing to get to every activity on time with the correct clothing is not only a feat in itself but also expensive.

 Ballet, Karate, Swimming lessons, Spanish, Drama, Music and many others that cost us time and energy. Would we be better off financially and mentally if we picked our children up from school and took them home to enjoy an hour of gardening, baking, teaching them to knit or would we just be turning them into social outcasts?Is it time to get off the constant treadmill of their social activities and go back to the good old days?

Many parents probably enjoy a week-end away without the children. It enables you to enjoy yourselves as a couple and do all the things that normally prove impossible when the children are around demanding your attention. Talking, enjoying a meal together or simply reading the paper. 

I had heard countless stories from friends about their romantic breaks and thought that we could probably benefit from a nice break away too.  So with my parents installed in our house and endless lists that I’d written on how to use every electrical appliance and all the phone numbers of anyone they may need from the plumber to the neighbour at the end of the road, we set off for

I couldn’t believe we were going and although my friends told me I’d feel free as soon as we were on the tarmac ready to fly to freedom all I felt was worry that they wouldn’t be able to cope without me!  

On arrival my husband assured me a quick phone call would calm my nerves but after hearing how the dog had wandered from room to room looking for me, how both my mum and daughter had to be comforted by my dad with him consoling their tears telling them that I would be back soon, left me feeling like blubbering too. 

So could I relax……well frankly no! I counted the hours and tried to relax but the worry was there. Was it worry about my parents not coping? Our daughter missing us? Maybe both but I think mostly it was guilt, I always feel that I need to look after everyone and do everything.  

Maybe next year I’ll try again but right now I’m just glad to be back in the chaos of home………..for those of you who do manage a week-end of pure relaxation please tell me how do you manage to switch off and enjoy it?

We’ve all heard of mum’s suffering from post baby blues and sometimes post natal depression after giving birth but recent studies show that 7% of dad’s suffer from the blues or depression following birth too. 

If you are finding it hard to cope, then it is important for you to talk to your doctor or health visitor who will be able to help. They will also know of support groups in your local area where you can talk to fellow sufferers.  

Having a baby is a life changing experience and one that can seem over whelming. Lack of sleep, baby constantly crying and you feeling like your partner no is longer the person she was can all add up and put strain on you and your relationship. 

• Try to get some time just for yourself, it’s not easy with the extra demands on your time but it will be worth it. Even if you only manage an hour just to get away from it all.

• Talk to family or friends about how you are feeling. Don’t bottle it all up or be embarrassed about feeling like you do, you are not alone.

• Try to exercise, get out for a brisk walk or run, it’s great for the body and mind.

Many men find becoming a father difficult but if you are struggling to cope, get help, don’t struggle on.

Having a baby puts a strain on your relationship no matter how good is was before your baby came along.  Finding time to talk through daily events, worries, fears or even having a gossip about what the neighbours are up to will be harder. 

Making time to spend together will be more difficult and it is easy to forget that it is important for you to find time for each other. Your baby’s needs will take priority, sleepless nights will leave you both feeling exhausted and if she is breast feeding you may start to feel left out. 

• Don’t keep your feelings to yourself. Ask a relation or trust worthy friend to baby sit while you get some time to talk.

• Ask her if you can get more involved. She may be feeling really under pressure and if you can help, even if it is something simple like sharing some household chores she will be thankful.

• Try doing some things with her and the baby. Share the baby bath times, make them fun. Getting involved will stop you feeling excluded and give you time together as a family.

It is really hard at first when your children take up all your energy but it will get easier.It’s easy for you to feel left out and your partner feeling resentful for what she sees as a lack of support. Be united, work together and remember to make time for each other even if it is a stroll around the park talking while the baby is a sleep in the buggy.

Wonderful partner, gorgeous baby and a fantastic sex life may seem like the ideal dream but is it realistic?  

Sleepless nights and your partner’s body insecurities after child birth may not be the best recipe for a fantastic sex life. If you are both content with sex not being on the agenda for a while then that’s fine but if it’s causing frustration within your relationship then it’s important to try to improve it. 

• Simply enjoy each other’s bodies by indulging her in a massage with no expectations of sex. She may be feeling unhappy with her post baby shape, give her some encouragement that you love her and that you still find her attractive.

• Why not enjoy giving each other pleasure without penetration until she feels ready. She may be worried about getting pregnant again so get your contraception sorted.

• Your partner may still be sore after childbirth. Ask her if she is concerned that penetration will hurt. Buy some fun lubrication and take it slowly. Sex should be something you both enjoy and not something she thinks about as a chore.

• If the baby is asleep in their cot right next to your bed it may not be the ideal situation to get in the mood for some passion. Why not explore other areas of the house so you can both relax?

It’s not always easy to talk about and you can sometimes wonder if you are alone in your lack of sex life. Most new parents will experience some difficulties at the start but if you talk about how you are both feeling it will make it easier.

You have a good job, nice home, great social life and you think you and your man are for ‘keeps’, so when or how do you decide to turn your life on it’s head and bring a baby into the equation? 

No sooner have you and your partner trotted down the isle to say ‘I DO’, Auntie Flo will be asking the million dollar question of when you are going to be starting a family. 

Saying okay lets do it, lets start trying for a baby may seem easy but from the moment those words are uttered your whole thinking will start to change and suddenly your idyllic baby free world will have been turned on it’s head!  

The decision is made and suddenly it will be all you will be able to think about…..unexpectedly you may find yourself in the baby section of the supermarket instead of the fruit and veg. Baby books and magazines will fill your shelves instead of your fashion and gossip magazines and your monthly ovulation cycle will be closely monitored with every symptom of a possible pregnancy noted. 

It can change your whole world, no more alcoholic drinks after work, maybe less strenuous workouts and no more shopping for skinny jeans and killer heels! Smocks, comfy sensible shoes and a healthy diet will take hold and before you know it, you’ll be loving every second of it, well maybe! 

So the big question is…..how do you suddenly decide…YES the time is right? 

None of us are perfect and we all have ‘off’ days were we wish we had handled things differently or reacted in a calmer more rationalised way. Sleep deprivation, stress and not having a moment to yourself can all add up to you feeling like you’re not being the best parent in the world!You may look at others and wonder how they are so calm, caring and so great at being parents…..no-one is perfect even if to the outside world they manage to appear so, behind closed doors it could be a different story…… 

Before you become a parent it’s easy to look at the child throwing a tantrum in the supermarket and think ‘gosh, no child of mine will behave like that’, however the reality can sometimes be different. 

If you and your child are both tired and feeling grumpy it can be a recipe for disaster. Most children go through stages of being difficult. 

• Not putting their shoes on even after you asking over and over again!

• Eating poorly or refusing the meal you’ve just prepared

• Getting them into bed at night and staying in bed.

The list is endless…………. 

Sometimes with all the stress we are under it is easy to feel like you are constantly shouting, yelling and not enjoying their company. 

Try and take time out, if everyday after school they come home and start tearing around the house, take them to the park instead. Let them let off their steam outside, the fresh air will do you all good. Maybe you can join them on the swings……Did you know a small child smiles up to 332 times a day while adults only smile on average 8 times…… 

Just remember no-one is perfect, try not to be too hard on yourself and smile!

Becoming a single parent may not be easy. Whether it was decision you made or just a situation you happened to find yourself in, it can prove to be both rewarding but really hard work. 

Having a baby changes your relationship with everyone from your own parents to your friends. Old friends may not understand the responsibility you now have and expect you to still have the same time and energy for your friendships as you did before becoming a parent. Your parents may want to help but end up taking over while other parents may not help enough and take a back seat.  Explaining how you feel can really help and this will enable them to understand that you value them and still need them in your life, maybe more now than ever before.

• Explain to your friends and relatives about the sort of help you would like. It will make them feel wanted and give you some much needed help. If you are struggling to cope with sleep deprivation then ask some-one you trust for some help. Let them look after the baby while you catch up on your sleep.

• You may be struggling with your own feelings if you didn’t plan on becoming a single parent, it sounds cliché but it does help to talk. Ask your health visitor if there are any groups just for lone parents.

• Ask a relative you trust to babysit so you can still meet up with your friends even if it is just for a coffee. This will also enable you to enjoy some time away from your baby which as a single parent is very important.

• Try to meet other single parents who will understand more than anyone on what you are experiencing and maybe if you form a good bond you can help each other out. Having some-one to rely on is important.

• Join lots of mother and baby groups so you can get out and about and meet other parents.

• It will be difficult at times, seeing families all out having fun. Don’t dwell on the fact that you are on your own, make the most of the other relationships you have.

Remember it will get easier, even if the first few months seem tough. As you child gets older you will suddenly find yourself with more ‘me’ time and more energy to enjoy the fun times!

Fancy flying to sunnier climates?Timing is the key. Airlines restrict travel beyond 36 weeks of pregnancy, many airlines also require a doctor’s permission between 28-35 weeks. Airline policies do vary so it is always a good idea to check before booking on what your airline’s policy is regarding flying during pregnancy. Why not plan it early and well within the times stipulated by the airline to avoid any added stress.

Which destination?Everyone has their own idea of what makes a perfect holiday so the destination should be your choice. There are however, a few things to consider when you are pregnant!

·         Try to avoid countries where malaria is endemic. If you need to go to a country where malaria is a threat then seek out your G.P’s advice on what medication is safe for pregnant women to take.

·         Discuss with your mid-wife or doctor for their advice on which countries they advise you avoid during pregnancy due to the inoculations not being safe for you or your unborn baby.

What to pack

·         Don’t forget to buy lots of high factor sun cream. Pregnancy will make your skin much more sensitive which will be more likely to burn in the sun. Pregnant woman can also develop chloasma which has the nick-name ‘pregnancy mask’, this is due to the body having higher levels of melanocyte. If you develop this the sun can make it worse but luckily it does fade after pregnancy. Use lots of high factor cream and stay in the shade during the hottest parts of the day.

·         Take your pregnancy medical notes with you, if you did find yourself needing medical help this will have lots of information for the doctor treating you. Top Tips for flying

·         On arrival at check –in let the check-in staff know you are pregnant. Ask for a seat near the toilet if you find yourself frequently needing a wee.

·         Remember to keep moving and stretch your legs to avoid DVT (deep vein thrombosis) and swollen ankles. Check out the exercises in your in-flight magazine which are specially designed to help people avoid DVT.

·         Keep hydrated by drinking lots of water, flying can dehydrate your body and skin so remember to keep sipping plenty of bottled water.

Bon voyage!